Becoming a better me
5am - Arrive at work, immediately pissed off at CO1 for not saying 'good morning' because I know that when she doesn't say anything that it's not going to be a good day in the bakery. I continue to be angry because CO1 is only talking to CO2, and not acknowledging my presence whatsoever.
5:30am - CO3 and CO4 arrive at work, and I am happy to see them. They talk to me! They say good morning! They even smile!
6:00am - Angry at CO3 because she put the pastries I took out of the oven back in the oven. They were up to temperature, and everytime she does that I feel stupid and clueless about baking. A few heated words are exchanged, and then the whole situation is dropped.
7:30am - First fifteen minute break = gratuitous amounts of coffee. After drinking the coffee, I feel awake. I am now happy to have the caffeine pulsing through my body, and am ready to work...and ready to talk! From then on I blab blab blab.
12:30pm - All has gone well until now. CO1 has decided to start being friendly around 9:15am, so the rest of us are happy too. But 12:30pm is the time that CO1 and CO2 go home, and they always leave a job half-finished or half-assed. For example, today CO1 bags all the cookies and puts them on the cart to go out to the store with 15 minutes left until she leaves...so she goes and takes a break! And when she comes back, she helps CO2 (who is moving at a snail's pace) label the other cookies. AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE! CO1 uses the excuse that it's too busy out in the store to put out the cookies. I think it's because she doesn't want to a) interact with customers, and b) bend over or exert herself in any way. So not only does she leave the cookies on the cart, but her and CO2 leave the rest of the cookies on the table, taking up valuable table room.
THIS IS WHEN I'M READY TO PUNCH BABIES. I am so angry at this point, and I feel sorry for anyone who is in my way (sorry CO5).
I've noticed that my actions aren't "right". Everyone else feels the same way I do about the whole situation, but they are still cool. They don't start throwing shit across the room and vehemently cursing. What's wrong with this picture?
So badly I want to say that's "it's them, not me". But that's not true. Everyday bad and angering things are going to happen, and I need to learn how to control my anger in a quiet and non-dramatic way. So, me being me, I googled. And this is what I found:
http://anger-management-techniques.org/
Upon skimming the site, I saw that a major way to deal with anger is being patient. At first thought, I became angry (shocking). "I have gained so much patience over the last several years, how is patience tied to anger?!? Stupid website." Then I laughed at what I had just said and kept reading. According to the website:
Patience is a mind that is able to accept, fully and happily, whatever occurs. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart.
That makes sense. I always think I am patient by just putting up with CO1's bitchy behavior, but really I am harboring my anger until it reaches a breaking point and I explode. Instead of being angry at her actions, I need to accept that that's just the way she is, and I shouldn't spend time, energy and anger trying to get her to be something she is not. I need to accept her (and everyone else for that matter) for who she is.
My goal for the week: practice controlling my anger. The website I was looking at also suggests meditation as a technique for remaining calm and without negative thoughts during frustrating times, so I'll check that out as well.
We'll see how the week goes. I'll try to update as I go. NAMASTE!
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