My week in links
Things I love this week
Blog: Design Sponge
Artist: Kate Nash
Etsy: Claudia Pearson Illustration and Hint
Regretsy: Bowl-Kakke
Food: The Olive Bar at New Seasons
Blog: Design Sponge
Artist: Kate Nash
Etsy: Claudia Pearson Illustration and Hint
Regretsy: Bowl-Kakke
Food: The Olive Bar at New Seasons
Infatuation as Love
Ain't it the truth:
"The problem with infatuation, of course, is that it’s a mirage, a trick of the eye – indeed, a trick of the endocrine system. Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it’s more like love’s shady second cousin who’s always borrowing money and can’t hold down a job. When you become infatuated with somebody, you’re not really looking at that person; you’re just captivated by your own reflection, intoxicated by a dream of completion that you have projected on a virtual stranger. We tend, in such a state, to decide all sorts of spectacular things about our lovers that may or may not be true. We perceive something almost divine in our beloved, even if our friends and family might not get it. One man’s Venus is another man’s bimbo, after all, and somebody else might easily consider your personal Adonis to be a flat-out boring little loser."
-Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
"The problem with infatuation, of course, is that it’s a mirage, a trick of the eye – indeed, a trick of the endocrine system. Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it’s more like love’s shady second cousin who’s always borrowing money and can’t hold down a job. When you become infatuated with somebody, you’re not really looking at that person; you’re just captivated by your own reflection, intoxicated by a dream of completion that you have projected on a virtual stranger. We tend, in such a state, to decide all sorts of spectacular things about our lovers that may or may not be true. We perceive something almost divine in our beloved, even if our friends and family might not get it. One man’s Venus is another man’s bimbo, after all, and somebody else might easily consider your personal Adonis to be a flat-out boring little loser."
-Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
Becoming A Better Me: Part Deux
Back again!
It was Sunday when I wrote to tell you all that I challenge myself to control my anger better. How have I done? Great! The first day was hard, but after that it was easy sailing! It's amazing what a little mental pause to catch yourself can do for both you and your relationships with other people.
On Monday, I wrote down each time I got angry (I got mad on and off all day long, but that wasn't as hard to brush off as when I got ANGRY), and here are my times:
5:30am - I realized that coworkers don't have to be mean to me for me to get angry, I have developed a conditioned response to certain people's faces that automatically triggers anger because I assume they will make me angry at some point in the day. So as soon as I started to get angry, I took a few deep breaths, smiled and continued my work.
9:00am - I'm guessing it's because of snippity comments that CO1 can make when she isn't getting her way. I breathed, smiled and brushed it off. Then I continued to make conversation with her, and surprisingly, she responded well and was happy.
11:00am - I've just gotten back from my lunch, and progress is at a stand-still because people are tired...it's the "afternoon" lull. All of the cookies could have easily been done by now, but only one is done because of different reasons. Before I can dwell on these reasons, I take my breaths...and all is better! :)
I've found that since that day, I've been quite pleasant. Everytime I even start to think negative thoughts, I brush them away. How do I do it? Here's what's worked for me:
When you start to get angry and think several unhealthy and negative thoughts, close your eyes. As you are slowly breathing in and out, imagine those thoughts to be right in front of you - actual objects. Now imagine those thoughts being swept away by a strong wind (or whatever you would like to get rid of them with), and all that's left is a blank space.
I hope this helps!
It was Sunday when I wrote to tell you all that I challenge myself to control my anger better. How have I done? Great! The first day was hard, but after that it was easy sailing! It's amazing what a little mental pause to catch yourself can do for both you and your relationships with other people.
On Monday, I wrote down each time I got angry (I got mad on and off all day long, but that wasn't as hard to brush off as when I got ANGRY), and here are my times:
5:30am - I realized that coworkers don't have to be mean to me for me to get angry, I have developed a conditioned response to certain people's faces that automatically triggers anger because I assume they will make me angry at some point in the day. So as soon as I started to get angry, I took a few deep breaths, smiled and continued my work.
9:00am - I'm guessing it's because of snippity comments that CO1 can make when she isn't getting her way. I breathed, smiled and brushed it off. Then I continued to make conversation with her, and surprisingly, she responded well and was happy.
11:00am - I've just gotten back from my lunch, and progress is at a stand-still because people are tired...it's the "afternoon" lull. All of the cookies could have easily been done by now, but only one is done because of different reasons. Before I can dwell on these reasons, I take my breaths...and all is better! :)
I've found that since that day, I've been quite pleasant. Everytime I even start to think negative thoughts, I brush them away. How do I do it? Here's what's worked for me:
When you start to get angry and think several unhealthy and negative thoughts, close your eyes. As you are slowly breathing in and out, imagine those thoughts to be right in front of you - actual objects. Now imagine those thoughts being swept away by a strong wind (or whatever you would like to get rid of them with), and all that's left is a blank space.
I hope this helps!
Becoming a better me
Everyday at work I find myself on an emotional roller coaster ride. It goes a little something like this (I'll use CO 1, 2, 3, 4 as code for coworkers):
5am - Arrive at work, immediately pissed off at CO1 for not saying 'good morning' because I know that when she doesn't say anything that it's not going to be a good day in the bakery. I continue to be angry because CO1 is only talking to CO2, and not acknowledging my presence whatsoever.
5:30am - CO3 and CO4 arrive at work, and I am happy to see them. They talk to me! They say good morning! They even smile!
6:00am - Angry at CO3 because she put the pastries I took out of the oven back in the oven. They were up to temperature, and everytime she does that I feel stupid and clueless about baking. A few heated words are exchanged, and then the whole situation is dropped.
7:30am - First fifteen minute break = gratuitous amounts of coffee. After drinking the coffee, I feel awake. I am now happy to have the caffeine pulsing through my body, and am ready to work...and ready to talk! From then on I blab blab blab.
12:30pm - All has gone well until now. CO1 has decided to start being friendly around 9:15am, so the rest of us are happy too. But 12:30pm is the time that CO1 and CO2 go home, and they always leave a job half-finished or half-assed. For example, today CO1 bags all the cookies and puts them on the cart to go out to the store with 15 minutes left until she leaves...so she goes and takes a break! And when she comes back, she helps CO2 (who is moving at a snail's pace) label the other cookies. AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE! CO1 uses the excuse that it's too busy out in the store to put out the cookies. I think it's because she doesn't want to a) interact with customers, and b) bend over or exert herself in any way. So not only does she leave the cookies on the cart, but her and CO2 leave the rest of the cookies on the table, taking up valuable table room.
THIS IS WHEN I'M READY TO PUNCH BABIES. I am so angry at this point, and I feel sorry for anyone who is in my way (sorry CO5).
I've noticed that my actions aren't "right". Everyone else feels the same way I do about the whole situation, but they are still cool. They don't start throwing shit across the room and vehemently cursing. What's wrong with this picture?
So badly I want to say that's "it's them, not me". But that's not true. Everyday bad and angering things are going to happen, and I need to learn how to control my anger in a quiet and non-dramatic way. So, me being me, I googled. And this is what I found:
http://anger-management-techniques.org/
5am - Arrive at work, immediately pissed off at CO1 for not saying 'good morning' because I know that when she doesn't say anything that it's not going to be a good day in the bakery. I continue to be angry because CO1 is only talking to CO2, and not acknowledging my presence whatsoever.
5:30am - CO3 and CO4 arrive at work, and I am happy to see them. They talk to me! They say good morning! They even smile!
6:00am - Angry at CO3 because she put the pastries I took out of the oven back in the oven. They were up to temperature, and everytime she does that I feel stupid and clueless about baking. A few heated words are exchanged, and then the whole situation is dropped.
7:30am - First fifteen minute break = gratuitous amounts of coffee. After drinking the coffee, I feel awake. I am now happy to have the caffeine pulsing through my body, and am ready to work...and ready to talk! From then on I blab blab blab.
12:30pm - All has gone well until now. CO1 has decided to start being friendly around 9:15am, so the rest of us are happy too. But 12:30pm is the time that CO1 and CO2 go home, and they always leave a job half-finished or half-assed. For example, today CO1 bags all the cookies and puts them on the cart to go out to the store with 15 minutes left until she leaves...so she goes and takes a break! And when she comes back, she helps CO2 (who is moving at a snail's pace) label the other cookies. AND THEN THEY JUST LEAVE! CO1 uses the excuse that it's too busy out in the store to put out the cookies. I think it's because she doesn't want to a) interact with customers, and b) bend over or exert herself in any way. So not only does she leave the cookies on the cart, but her and CO2 leave the rest of the cookies on the table, taking up valuable table room.
THIS IS WHEN I'M READY TO PUNCH BABIES. I am so angry at this point, and I feel sorry for anyone who is in my way (sorry CO5).
I've noticed that my actions aren't "right". Everyone else feels the same way I do about the whole situation, but they are still cool. They don't start throwing shit across the room and vehemently cursing. What's wrong with this picture?
So badly I want to say that's "it's them, not me". But that's not true. Everyday bad and angering things are going to happen, and I need to learn how to control my anger in a quiet and non-dramatic way. So, me being me, I googled. And this is what I found:
http://anger-management-techniques.org/
Upon skimming the site, I saw that a major way to deal with anger is being patient. At first thought, I became angry (shocking). "I have gained so much patience over the last several years, how is patience tied to anger?!? Stupid website." Then I laughed at what I had just said and kept reading. According to the website:
Patience is a mind that is able to accept, fully and happily, whatever occurs. It is much more than just gritting our teeth and putting up with things. Being patient means to welcome wholeheartedly whatever arises, having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are. It is always possible to be patient; there is no situation so bad that it cannot be accepted patiently, with an open, accommodating, and peaceful heart.
That makes sense. I always think I am patient by just putting up with CO1's bitchy behavior, but really I am harboring my anger until it reaches a breaking point and I explode. Instead of being angry at her actions, I need to accept that that's just the way she is, and I shouldn't spend time, energy and anger trying to get her to be something she is not. I need to accept her (and everyone else for that matter) for who she is.
My goal for the week: practice controlling my anger. The website I was looking at also suggests meditation as a technique for remaining calm and without negative thoughts during frustrating times, so I'll check that out as well.
We'll see how the week goes. I'll try to update as I go. NAMASTE!
Music and Religion
How do I feel today? Good. Last night I went out with Ashley and some of her friends to The Thirsty Lion. We watched a couple of guys perform, as Tuesday is dubbed "Singer/Songwriter Showcase". Since we all had to work the next day, we only watched three acts. They were all decent, especially Ian James.
You can check out his music here: http://www.myspace.com/whoisianjames.
All of the artists sang a lot of pop/sad/make the girls swoon music, which gets annoying real quick...but it was enjoyable. It's especially nice to see Ashley smiling and enjoying time with her friends. It's been over three months since her mom died. I know she keeps a lot of feelings inside, or just doesn't feel comfortable sharing them with me. But I can see a light in her that I honestly don't think I've seen in the last six years. She is happy that her mom is no longer in pain. Ashley may not feel the light that I see all around her all the time, but I know it's her mom.
I've only prayed a few times in my life. There are so many different religions with so many different Truths, and it's mind-boggling. I believe in a higher power, but I also believe everything happens for a reason. In my mind, there are God(s) who created this Earth and help out humans in certain ways, but don't interfer with your life's plan. YOU and YOU alone make the plan. But back to praying. The few times I've prayed have been because:
a) Princess Diana died and I was cursing God to bring her back - mind you, I was an over-emotional 11-year-old. Now I'm 23...still emotional though.
b) My friend's mom got me a bible and prayer book - an overzealous Christian trying to convert me: the sinner who doesn't obey God's rules and will suffer in hell. It's funny that she was giving me the literature when it was her daughter who was sleeping around, drinking every weekend and skipping class.
c) Close friends/family have died. I often pray to these recently deceased not for their return on earth, but that they watch over those that they've left behind. Those they've hurt by their departure.
This was the case for Sherie, Ashley's mom. When she left, I prayed to her. It went a little something like this:
"Sherie, how's it going? I know you're not here anymore, and I miss you. My heart wants to tell you a few things, for its own sake. I think your family is beautiful, especially your daughter. She is a wonderful person who has made my life better for just being a presence in it. Being the guilty-natured person that I am, I'd like to apologize. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt Ashley in any way that has made her mad or sad or upset. And in turn, I'm sorry if my actions have ever hurt you or your family. I'd also like to thank you Sherie. Thank you and Bruce so much for bringing such a wonderful woman into fruition! A true gem! An amiga! An amie! What her friendship means to me can never be put into words, whatever language it may be. I know she doesn't need your physical body in her life to do great things, but I know she needs the memory of you in her heart. So please stay with her always. Thank you Sherie."
Praying like this has helped me realize that I don't need to address God to speak to the person I need. God is not the intermediary between humans and heaven. I believe we speak directly to our loved ones, and they hear every word of it. So then what is the role of a God or Gods? This I may never know.
You can check out his music here: http://www.myspace.com/whoisianjames.
All of the artists sang a lot of pop/sad/make the girls swoon music, which gets annoying real quick...but it was enjoyable. It's especially nice to see Ashley smiling and enjoying time with her friends. It's been over three months since her mom died. I know she keeps a lot of feelings inside, or just doesn't feel comfortable sharing them with me. But I can see a light in her that I honestly don't think I've seen in the last six years. She is happy that her mom is no longer in pain. Ashley may not feel the light that I see all around her all the time, but I know it's her mom.
I've only prayed a few times in my life. There are so many different religions with so many different Truths, and it's mind-boggling. I believe in a higher power, but I also believe everything happens for a reason. In my mind, there are God(s) who created this Earth and help out humans in certain ways, but don't interfer with your life's plan. YOU and YOU alone make the plan. But back to praying. The few times I've prayed have been because:
a) Princess Diana died and I was cursing God to bring her back - mind you, I was an over-emotional 11-year-old. Now I'm 23...still emotional though.
b) My friend's mom got me a bible and prayer book - an overzealous Christian trying to convert me: the sinner who doesn't obey God's rules and will suffer in hell. It's funny that she was giving me the literature when it was her daughter who was sleeping around, drinking every weekend and skipping class.
c) Close friends/family have died. I often pray to these recently deceased not for their return on earth, but that they watch over those that they've left behind. Those they've hurt by their departure.
This was the case for Sherie, Ashley's mom. When she left, I prayed to her. It went a little something like this:
"Sherie, how's it going? I know you're not here anymore, and I miss you. My heart wants to tell you a few things, for its own sake. I think your family is beautiful, especially your daughter. She is a wonderful person who has made my life better for just being a presence in it. Being the guilty-natured person that I am, I'd like to apologize. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt Ashley in any way that has made her mad or sad or upset. And in turn, I'm sorry if my actions have ever hurt you or your family. I'd also like to thank you Sherie. Thank you and Bruce so much for bringing such a wonderful woman into fruition! A true gem! An amiga! An amie! What her friendship means to me can never be put into words, whatever language it may be. I know she doesn't need your physical body in her life to do great things, but I know she needs the memory of you in her heart. So please stay with her always. Thank you Sherie."
Praying like this has helped me realize that I don't need to address God to speak to the person I need. God is not the intermediary between humans and heaven. I believe we speak directly to our loved ones, and they hear every word of it. So then what is the role of a God or Gods? This I may never know.
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