I'm crying. Scratch that, I'm sobbing. Why you ask? Well, besides the monthly treat that Mother Nature bestows on us women, I am sad. I am sad for all the great people in my life that are unhappy with themselves. I wish I could hug them and tell them it's okay and take all the pain away. I am sad for all the people in the world who don't even have a chance to be unhappy with themselves because they are too consumed with hunger, poverty, illness and death. I wish I could blink my eyes and give everyone a home, a pantry full of food and a health plan. I am sad for myself - after all these years I still am critical of others and while it doesn't always come out of my mouth, negative thoughts are still present inside my head. I am a happy person and I do genuinely like people, but my own insecurities leaves me criticizing others like I criticize myself. I wish I could accept myself for who I am, and as a result accept others for who they are as well.

Within myself.
In the community.
Around the world.

How do I help others, while helping myself as well? That is something I've been pondering for more than a quick minute - try several years. Any suggestions???

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Thank You #1 Part 1

Today I had a meeting to discuss cake (what else?) with a distant family member. I offered to meet in southwest Portland, as it was halfway between where I live and where she was headed for the day. Little did I know how incredibly busy downtown Portland is during the work week. After I crossed the Morrison bridge and headed up to Broadway (we were meeting at Peet's), I realized finding a parking spot was going to be hell. All the SmartPark's were full, and I rounded the blocks near Peet's for about 20 minutes trying to find something...anything! Finally I found a parking garage on Oak Street and entered. The guy looked hesitant at my arrival.

"How long you gonna be here?"

"About two hours," I replied.

He smiled. "Alright, that's okay girl. You gotta leave your car here though, we full. I'll park your car for you."

I thanked him, grabbed my stuff from the car, and left to walk the few blocks to Peet's. While waiting for my cake counterpart to arrive for a baby shower cake design sesh, I read my book. I was happy and relaxed. The woman showed up, and it was nice to put a face to a name. I must also say she was the cutest 7-month pregnant woman I've ever seen!

The meeting went well, and I walked back to the garage to get my car. A new tenant was there, and he asked what car I had. I told him a green Ford Thunderbird (my dad's, not mine) and we walked up the ramp to retrieve the car. I looked in the booth and saw the particle board that was set up with everyone's keys - mine weren't on it. How did the man know I was coming? Did he have my keys on him? Did he leave the keys in the ignition for someone to steal?!? Oh jeez. While all the possibilities ran through my mind, the tenant walked back down the ramp, looking pissed.

"You had the green Ford?"

"Yeah". Didn't I already say that?

"We had to tow it."

"What?!?!?! Why?!?"

"When you parked it, you took the keys out of the ignition. We had no way of moving it, and it was in the entrance."

"No, I remember leaving the keys in the ignition. I swear!" The look on my face at this point is priceless: bewilderment, horror, anger and indigestion from my lunch.

"Please look in your purse, I assure you the keys are in there. Take your time."

Take my time?!? Who are YOU to tell me to look in my purse for keys I KNOW I left in the ignition? To humor him, I did it anyway. As my trembling hands rifled through my purse, I heard a clank and a jingle. Shit. My keys. I looked up at the tenant in embarassment.

"I am so sorry! I could have sworn I left the keys in the ignition. Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry!"

The man still looked angry.

"Towing your car cost our company a lot."

'How much is this going to cost?' was at the forefront of my mind, followed by 'How am I going to go and get it?'

"Where is it at?"

"They towed it up the ramp."

Huh? You mean my car was towed...into a parking space? Oh man, I am such an idiot!!!

"This cost our company a lot - but you can pay $10.50."

When he said that my shoulders relaxed, and my iron grip on my purse loosened.

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much." I again rifled through my purse and gave him all the cash I had - a whopping $13.00. He led me to my car, and after I got stuck trying to shimmy out of my space, he again helped me by moving my car so I could easily get out. I thanked him and apologized about 1,000 times in the four minutes of our interaction, and as I drove off I caught him smiling at me in my rearview mirror.

This interaction taught me that nice people still do exist in the world. He and the other tenant could have easily done a number of things: towed my car to a yard, stolen my laptop out of my backseat (the window was rolled down), kicked my car, spat on it, made me pay WAY more than $10.50, put a hex on me, banned me from parking in Portland ever again, etc. etc.

This man was so amiable during the situation that my mind is telling me that I need to thank him in some way. What better way to thank someone than cookies?!? I am going to write both of the tenants a nice thank you note and bring them a bag of cookies (Bob's Red Mill of course). I'll let you know how it goes in Part 2.

Night!

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On the interim...

Outside my window…it is probably warmer than it is inside! Even though we have the heater on, for some reason I am still incredibly cold. My fingers can barely move.

I am thinking...should I really be watching Housewives of Orange County? What am I learning from this show/how is it enriching my life? It’s not. TV off.

I am thankful...that my best friend has moved back home from stinky Roseburg.

From the kitchen...nothing in the oven, nothing on the stove. That means a clean kitchen! Good for the soul.

I am wearing...a light pink tank top, a dark pink hoodie and sweatpants!!!

I am reading...”Kitchen Confidential” by Anthony Bourdain. Great writer.

I am hoping...that I can soon understand what I want my life to be about. I am torn between living a life geared towards my own happiness, yet at the same time I want a life that caters to making others happy. How do I find my medium?

I am going...to watch Up In The Air with Eric when he gets home from work!

I am creating...a scrapbook/portfolio of all my cake work. It’s time to bring back all the high school scrapbooking techniques.

I am hearing...Real Housewives on the TV. I lied; I didn’t turn the TV off.

I am praying...for my friend Ashley’s happiness. Her mom recently died, and although a big weight has been lifted from her shoulders because her mom was in so much pain, I know Ashley is still hurting from losing a best friend.

Around the house...is mostly clean! Ever since I quit Fred Meyer, I’ve had a lot more time to clean…thank goodness.

One of my favorite things...is when I develop a new way of thinking. It shows a sign of maturity, and also allows me to see the world in a different light.

A few plans for the rest of the week...make a few cake sketches, have a “meeting” with my boss and co-worker, work and hopefully write a little and read a lot!

A picture I am sharing...a picture of me and my best friend (who just moved home) after graduating high school!


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